Yes, Together We Can
by (Capt) Ravi K Mahajan
27. Kill FEAR & Bury the WORRY
92% of things about which we Worry & Fear, do Not ever happen. Rest, we can always manage.
So does it make any sense to Worry?
Fear is normal outward human expression of our inner emotions. Contrary to the general perception which puts fear as a negative human emotion, fear is both Positive and Negative. On the positive side, Fear is a natural alarm system in all of us. It is a caution signal and prepares our physical body to face the danger. When faced with impending danger, emotion of fear causes certain internal changes in human body and also prepare our mindset to meet the challenge.
These internal changes are different in different persons. That’s why, when people are face to face with fear, different people will react differently. Sometimes, we are so much overawed by fear, that we try to run away which, also, is an expression of fear. For example, supposing we are passing through a forest and all of a sudden, we see a lion charging towards us. Our natural reaction would be to run for safety and save our life. But supposing the Lion is too close, and running away not possible. Then we may try to save our self with bare hands or even attack the Lion in whatever manner may be possible and try to save our life.
We wade through life with our goals, aims and agendas but are constantly thinking of negative things which develop a sense of fear in us, constantly expecting the worst to happen. Such negative unrealistic thinking makes garbage bin of our mind. It’s all in the mind and thinking only, not actually happening and may, perhaps, never happen. On the contrary, if we savour every pleasant moment of our lives, enjoying things as they come, looking at positives enthusiastically, we would cherish and relish our life. Even the adversities and problems we face, are the stepping stones towards our goals, which should add to our growth and well being. Life is simple, keep it that way. We make it unbearable with our fears, worry and misplaced negative factors, which house themselves within us.
Fear of death or getting hurt, is the most pronounced fear in human beings. Most army battles are fought in night, specially offensive battles. Soldiers are spread over a vast area and are not aware what is going on around them. A soldier also understands that he may never come back alive or get badly hurt, may be maimed for life. Who will look after his family in case he dies? Such negative emotions are natural and cause fear in him, which may incapacitate him. To meet this situation, Indian Army has war cries which energize the soldiers, boosting their morale with feeling of security by assuring the soldier that he is not alone and there are hundreds of soldiers like him by his side and this feeling dispels all forms of fears from his mind and motivates him to go into the battle, leaving his worries about family and fears about his own death, behind.
Now, coming to the negative side of the fear, which is what for, mostly fear is understood. This negative fear which might be preceded by the worrying habit, happens to most of us every day. In a day to day occurrence, fear manifests itself in such a way, so as to avoid meeting the situation or delaying taking action. Such fears are dreadful, cause avoidable worry, panic or anxiety. Fears often lead to cowardice or even death by suicide, fearing the imaginary unbearable consequences. Negative Fears prevents us from living to our true potential and often, hampers our growth. Most such fears are preceded by misplaced & unfounded worry.
Fear has many varieties, such as fear of getting hurt or death, fear of being insulted or criticized, fear of getting old or old age itself, fear of being left alone or loss of love, fear of losing wealth or material possessions, fear of failure in an exam or any other pursuit, fear of things going wrong in spite of our best efforts etc. If we have indulged in a crime knowingly or unknowingly, worry & fear of being found out, can be very predominant in our mind, most of the times. If we have had a fight with someone and he has vowed revenge, that also can be very active worry & fear in our mind. List of imaginary or actual fears can be endless and without exception, they are all preceded by misplaced worries over the imaginative fears arising out of imaginary situations.
However, authentic research and surveys in this important human emotion of worry and fear, have established beyond doubt that most fears (May be up to 92%) are imaginary, product of a weak or guilty mind, as what we are fearing or its imaginative consequences, may never take place. But most unfortunately, by always having such worries & fears in our mind, we come to believe such imaginary situations as real. Hence, we may always be afraid of being found out, insecure, get easily irritated and live fearful lives from inside, which may be equal to going through living hell.
A sleepless night in the bed, tossing and turning around, initiates worry, followed by unfounded & imaginary fears in our mind. If woken up during the night and not getting sleep, mind often wanders into the heartland of worry & fear. Very often, during restless sleep, one has nightmares during sleep and suddenly, when you wake up, all terrified and sweating, to find to your great relief, that it was only a dream and an unreal situation, not the real one. If you are not getting sleep and your mind has been overtaken by worry and fear, it is always better to get up, read some inspiring book or do some work or even watch TV. Do not remain lying and keep worrying over things, which may never happen. This often happens when you wake up early morning.
Unfortunately, as mentioned elsewhere in this book, negative thoughts come more naturally to us, while for positive thoughts, we have to make a concerted effort. Most fears are vastly exaggerated and imagination of empty human mind. Such fears are the byproduct of negative thoughts and negative bent of mind. But there is a way, which is FAITH. There are two most powerful predominant forces in this world. One is Worry/Fear and other is Faith. And Faith is many times stronger than fear. So you must destroy your imaginary mental worries and fears by the force of explicit faith in God, Goodness, Gratitude, Kindness, Compassion, Caring-Giving-sharing-Helping nature and such Godly qualities, which would definitely dispel all imaginary worries & fears from your mind.
Some childhood fears linger on in our mind, sometimes till death. Because we think and worry about them often, they are retained and sustained in our mind as real. It becomes a habit with us to be afraid of those imaginary situations, though never taking place in real life. During my childhood, there was a huge peepal tree at the back of our house. Our maid would often tell us that ghosts live there and they come out during night. So we were afraid of going near the tree even during day time, lest we are caught by the ghosts. This baseless fear, generated in childhood and fed by the childhood ignorance, continued in my mind, till I joined army.
My father was the sole bread earner in the family. I do not know how and from where, the baseless fear, that if he dies, who would support us, came to my mind as a child. I remember, at times, I was so much worried that I could not sleep, till he returned from his shop irrespective of how much late he came. And during such times, all sort of bad negative baseless thoughts prevailed in my mind. Luckily, as I grew up, these fears evaporated. But, when I look back, I find no plausible reason or logic for such a fear, since my father, during that time, was perfectly healthy, hail and hearty and was very popular amongst his friends and social circle.
Fear of public speaking is another fear which haunts most of the people including myself long ago. I have seen, otherwise very progressive, active and successful people, nearly petrified, if asked to address even a small gathering. I remember my first such address in a Lions Club meeting. After whole day of gripping tension and great stress, when the final moment came, it was like a most dreadful moment. I kept looking at nowhere and babbled out incoherently few sentences and was heavenly relieved, when I left the podium and sat back in my seat sweating, breathing hard.
Sometimes, we invite fears. Some people are constantly afraid that something wrong will happen. And supposing it happens, they are ready with the retort that they knew and how right they are. This is what I call inviting troubles, fear or misfortune. Your fearful thoughts have got you into fearful situation. Same way, if you have had loving thoughts, situation would have been loving for you. We are the creation of the creator and we create our own situations. Everything originates from human mind. If we create happy and loving situations in our mind, such things only will happen.
Why so much is written about the worry & fear factor, is because it is present in every one. For some, it becomes a part and parcel of their life, making their life miserable along with their near and dear ones’. It is of utmost importance, if you want to live a satisfied, peaceful, calm and tranquil life of dignity and poise, we must understand these fears and act decisively to banish them from our mind for ever. There are very effective ways to do that. You only need to be determined.
First of all, since negative fears as discussed above, are an imaginary exaggerated situation in our mind, it can be dispelled by positive thinking. So, always, keep your mind full of positive thoughts and do not let negative destructive thoughts carrying fear in the sidelines, enter your mind. If you do not think of fear or negative thoughts carrying fear, then you will have nothing to fear. You can couple other lessons with this and think positive, act positive, keep company of positive persons, be active and happy, do good, have faith in God and faith in your faith. Keep your mind filled with the thoughts of hope and joy which would, in turn, bring you comfort, solace, strength and peace of mind. That’s the way to win your battle against your deadly enemy called worry/fear.
To lead a fearless life, live in the present, enjoy your present. As for past, it’s gone and for future, what will be, will be. Worrying or fearing about things, which may never happen, will never help. Confront every challenge with courage, wisdom and confidence. Be bold. Though worrier is not a bold person, but boldness can be cultivated simply by thinking in terms of boldness and doing bold things. For example, if you are told there are ghosts on the peepal tree, do go there in the night to meet the ghosts and spend some quality time with them. Hidden and unseen mighty forces always come to the aid of the bold.
To get out of the excruciating grip of worry and fear, if you are afraid of doing something, keep doing and practicing that, you will be perfect in what you want to do, after a few tries. If you are terrified at the thought of giving a speech, practice public speaking at home before your family members or in front of the mirror, and you can become a spell binding orator after few tries. Remember one thing, we all have latent qualities in us, which need to be developed and worked upon. Our limits are imposed by our own thinking, not by anyone else. So, broad-base that thinking, be active with confidence and faith and a human being can achieve anything, once he is set upon to achieve that. People all over the world have achieved that and so can you.
All worries and imaginary fears are mind generated. It’s the thoughts. Mind is always full of thoughts, positive or negative. Keep your mind open to peace, harmony, tranquility, good health, love and abundance. Lots and lots of good things have happened to you and those you know. They will keep happening. Keep your mind full of those healthy positive lively thoughts. Result will be, whenever negatives such as doubt, anxiety, worry and misplaced fears call your mind, they will get engaged tone from your mind.
In spite of above suggestions, if you get misplaced worries and imaginary fears, accept them as temporary residents to be expelled from your mind on the first available opportunity. Always hope for the best, but mentally, be prepared for the worst. When worries and fears happen to you, take a deep breath, relax, avoid alcohol or cigarettes which do not help even temporarily, exercise, get busy doing something useful for others, indulge in some service activity, visit an orphanage or old people home to get connected with the inmates. Just give a sympathetic listening ear to them. You will feel better, please be rest assured.
Worry is simply allowing the fear to win over your beliefs. Worry allows a small thing a big shadow. Hence the matter which is small, appears big. We blow the matter out of proportion. Actually, our mind is full of creative imagination. When this positive factor goes negative, all sorts of fearful imaginary situations are created in our mind to give rise to fear, which forbids us to attempt always thinking that something may go wrong, do not attempt, its worthless and things like that. Opposite of such negative mindset is positive belief in future that things will come around in our favour, if we make a sincere attempt.
Our mind is a directionless thinking machine always at work. By our resolute positive beliefs, we have to give it positive direction. At many places, I have suggested you to analyze matters, people, situations. But do not get bogged down analyzing. Once analysis is over, take whatever action you think is best. Do not continue with the analysis since it will take you nowhere. Too much analysis breeds paralysis. Be quick in taking decisions. Do not worry about matters beyond your control. Decide, have faith and be quick to act without worry or fear. When you act decisively and quickly, you inject adrenaline and such decisiveness always works because you become a person of action.
Whatever is worrying you, face it head on. Be bold, enthusiastic and optimistic to defeat the negatives. Have faith and faith in your faith. Imagine yourself bigger than your troubles and problems. Never feel sorry for yourself or indulge in most people’s pass time of self pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, you will always have more things to feel sorry for. Always imagine yourself a winner and you will emerge a winner. In this world, nothing lasts forever. Not even your troubles and if you have any, so do everyone. But, this too shall pass.
Remember, two factors influence us most in life, the way we think and go about life. These two things influence our thinking most, negative or positive. And good thing about these two is that you choose them. It is up to you. Nobody thrust them on you. First of these two factors is the company you keep, the people you move about with or type of friends you have. Analyze them and If you find them negative types, shun them at once, unhesitatingly. Never keep company of such people. They influence your thinking unknowingly. Take no time, do it now or you will always be under their negative influence. You are known by the company you keep. In the garb of sympathizing with you or being your well-wisher, or giving you good company, they are making you negative, worrisome and fearful type. Once you get out of the grasp of such people, you can have a number of good friends and keep company of good positive people.
Second factor which influence us is what we read or the reading habit. Now ‘reading habit’ is a term which is most misused. People ready all sort of romantic or suspense novels, thrillers and other wide variety of fiction, which is pure and simple cheap entertainment, which may be a good pastime but such book makes you week, fearful, worrisome, doubtful and uncertain about future. Most of those situations which you have grasped, are retained at the back of your mind and make you weak, fearful, worrisome and uncertain. Get out of such entertainment habit, which is so much harmful to your psyche. Instead, bookshops are full of self-help, self-improvement, adventurous books, which motivate and inspire you. Read them, grasp them, discuss with your friends, family members and see yourself and friends change for the better. It may be easy said than done but this book is about change and reading-habit-change is a must for you.
If you want to be a winner, you have to bring about changes which would help you to lead a bold, fearless, cheerful and optimistic life. And change of friendship pattern and reading habits is a very very minor price to pay.
A leader, whether military or civilian, has to have or develop many qualities such as taking initiative, visualizing future, riding over adversities, determined, decisive etc. but he can never be a true leader unless he is fearless. He should not only be fearless but also always appear to be fearless. If at any time, people see or feel him as fearful or dithering against mounting odds, people would lose faith in him and his leadership will go for a toss. Leaders, both military and civilian, have to be bold, fearless and upright.
Worry and fear are nothing but sinister shadows finding a place to stay in your mind. And, mind you, that shadow never has a substance. If you stand up like a real person of substance, your worries and fears would run away and shrink into insignificance. If you bring in your faith in God, determination and will to fight and win, your fears will be on the run. Through various lessons in this book, make a habit of happiness, never giving up, patience, developing trust and faith in God, helping others, kindness, being good and spreading goodness, love, joy, hope and all the good things professed in this book. You may then be rest assured that worry and fear has left you for good and forever.
Main idea behind writing this book is to impart much needed WISDOM in the young and old minds. Whatever age you are, adopt these lessons, discuss these among friends and like-minded, motivate your family members and spouse to get out of the rut of negativism, misplaced worries and resultant fears, which seems to have overtaken the society. Change is at the heart of this book. Through this book, feel inspired to a healthy life of vibrancy, satisfaction, and happiness. This book, in various lessons, also provide you powerful antidotes to self-deception, mis-placed fears, worry, self doubt and confusion and inspires you to make a glorious living, through change of attitude, eradicating worries and cultivating fearless positive thinking.
Worries and fears are the non-existent monsters in your mind. Because they are non-existent and imaginary, more you fear or worry about them, bigger they become. Mercilessly kill them through your good deeds, attitude of gratitude, positive thinking, and many other things mentioned above in this lesson or other lessons in this book. If you have been caught in the web of fears, get out of it because, life is not for wasting on imaginary fears and resultant worries but fighting and winning over them to make way for joy, happiness and grace.
SUCCESS is not the key to HAPPINESS.
HAPPINESS is the key to SUCCESS.
Love that you Do. And you will be SUCCESSFUL.
Knowledge is not the only Power.
It is your most Powerful Asset.
Read more books.
More you Read, less you Fear.
WORRYING does not take away tomorrow’s Troubles,
It only takes away today’s peace.