Yes, Together We Can
by (Capt) Ravi K Mahajan
25. DIFFERENCES and DISAGREEMENTS
Foresight of God is Commendable. Though millions of species live on this planet, but only ONE can THINK. By THINKING RIGHT, let us Resolve our Differences Amicably and Move on.
God has provided the power to think only to humans. No other species in this world can think and act. Because of our different mental makeup, we all think differently. Hence, difference of opinion or other differences, are bound to crop up amongst us. This is natural. No problem with having differences, but they should not turn into disagreements and confrontation. We can always disagree but should not be disagreeable. Disagreements are the result of honest manifestation of two thinking minds. It is a normal process. Wherever two minds are working, they can always and would differ. But those differences should not harm organization for which, persons are working or they belong to. Aim should always be to get best out of two differing opinions.
Naturally, when a decision is taken, in the light of all the differences and opinions, team work demands, that everyone in the team must put in their best, to ensure the best accomplishment. Half-hearted efforts or push from those who were dissenting or had thought differently, shall harm the interest of the organization. Hence, not acceptable. In such an event, supposing the opposing view prevails and it fails in spite of everyone’s best efforts, those opposing it in the beginning, should not say after the failure, ‘see, I told you so’..
Normally, it seems, that disagreements are mostly personality clashes than anything else. Disagreements, in such cases are more out of entrenched disinclination to agree. Such superfluous personality based disagreements are there, because of our innate desire to dominate, one-up-man-ship, ego and arrogance. Disagreements over petty issues are mostly ego based or loss of face based. In such disagreements, organizations’ or peoples’ interest, is harmed. Most political differences, generally, would fall in this category.
Sometimes, a small but vociferous minority, does not let the matter be resolved. With little give and take, even complex political and social problems can be resolved, keeping in view, the overall good it will do to a large number of people. Even complex looking, long unresolved problems such as Kashmir and Ayodhya, can be resolved with little give and take, if ego or vote based politics, in which even small but vociferous minority, tries to take advantage of the situation and incite the people. Biggest advantage in resolving of such issues is that, people all over the country are rid of the social tensions and uncertainties. Then, they can engage themselves into more productive and beneficial growth and development areas for benefit of all.
Basically, what is required is every ones’ determined resolves to solve the problem. In such cases, one must look at the important fact that how much respite and peace of mind it would bring to the people if the matter is resolved. Disputing parties in such cases, have to keep overall good of the people in mind, to avoid creating a situation of no return. Other parties’ point of view, their position and situation, must be respected sincerely. Ego of the negotiating parties in such cases, have to be kept at the back bunker and everyone must be ready and willing to compromise their position. All have to realize and appreciate that great loss of men and material would result and have been resulting, since the matter remains unresolved for long duration.
Option of compromise must be availed for the overall good of the whole organization, society or nation, rather than individuals. For the collective good, individual interests must be forsaken. For any problem, solution is always there. We must be prepared to cede from our position. Ceding from position, is not that we have given up but it is only with such give and take, this world has become so beautiful and live-able. It is that people are ready to compromise and live in harmony with one another and at peace with themselves.
Compromise is the natural way, avoiding resistance. In stormy weather with high wind velocities, you will always find trees bending to let the storm pass. Even blade of grass flattens itself during storm. This is natural defense mechanism for survival. During tornadoes you may find many trees uprooted but never a bamboo tree, howsoever big it may be. It is because of its flexibility, that bamboo tree survives.
Whether it be relationship between the spouses, families, society or the nations, differences are normal and natural. Where people are able to resolve the differences through compromise and flexibility, it does overall good to all those concerned and relationships are maintained with dignity and honour. But where the matter remains unresolved over long period of time because inflexibility and uncompromising attitude, it brings misery to all the concerned parties. While resolving the differences, one must be determined to solve the problem for the common good. We can, thus, make this world a better place to live, since we all have to co-exist in this world of differing opinions, interests and disagreements. We should also keep one thing in mind that though some disputes may appear to be resolved through force but such solutions are only temporary and bring back the basic disputes to the fore. A peace that depends on fear, is a suppressed war.
In fact, as a matter of principal, one should always look into the areas of compromise in the world of differences-disagreements. Most of the times, we make even pettiness, an issue. We become stubborn in inconsequential issues. Go an extra mile for the compromise which brings us peace, harmony and in turn, prosperity. Always, value compromise in life but do not compromise your values.
Because of ego based disputes, lots of families and business houses get in legal tangle, amounting to unbearable pain, heartburn, envy, jealousy and frustration. One should always keep in mind that, together we can do and perform much better, compared to what we can do as a divided house or as an individual. Hence, wisdom demands that we should always aim at resolving the issues at every level, rather than let egos dominate and play the spoil sport.
It is often seen, people adopting a confrontationist attitude, over inconsequential petty issues. They will go to any length to prove their point, hurt or even disrespect the other person. Such kind of attitude is very harmful to anyone. We must give latitude of disagreement to the other person and defend his right to have his own different opinion. We must learn the art of getting along with people, in spite of disagreements and difference of opinions.
We must always keep in mind that we have to give something to get something. It’s a world of give and take. If we want to lead a happy, tension free and rewarding life, then we have to get petty matters resolved and always be agreeable and not make an issue of petty things. This attitude is very essential for the progress, growth and the quality of life we lead. Having seen and experienced enough for last fifty years, I can confidently say and recommend that policy of forgive, forget and move on with life, is the best policy.
Change emphasis of your thinking,
from what you want to what you have.