Yes, Together We Can
by (Capt) Ravi K Mahajan
22. SELF CONFIDENCE – SELF BELIEF
“He is not an Atheist who does not believe in God.
He is an Atheist who does not believe in himself”
What Swami Vivekanand meant by the above quote, was to make you realize that more than your believe in Him, it will always help you much, if you believed in yourself.
Before you read any further, please look at the back cover. An anonymous poet has written an immortal, most inspiring and motivating poem of all times for the youngsters, as well as older persons. The last line is the most inspiring ‘The man who wins, is the man who thinks he can’. Someone truly said ‘What you can conceive or believe, you can achieve’. So there is no doubt that whatever your mind thinks, you can do and perform.
Thousands of years back, humans were living along with other beings, in the open or in caves. But slowly, because other beings could not think, they remained where they were and still are, where they are, but humans only progressed. All the inventions, new technologies and resultant innumerable products, we see and use today, at one time, were conceived by human mind and then only manufactured and built. That’s how so much has been achieved. These millions of achievements have given us the belief in ourselves, which results in self confidence. We are self confident when we feel good, we take responsibility, and have developed various life skills which help us helping others. Nothing to boast, but most of the lessons in this book, if imbibed and instilled, will make you a person full of self-confidence-belief on road to success and glory.
We have unlimited potential within us. Self belief-confidence comes from that reservoir of force and potential within us. Faith, belief in self and self confidence, are the qualities with which the mind gets activated, re-charged, remains full of positive ideas and thoughts. This strength of belief is the key to self confidence. This self belief-confidence can override any adversity, obstacle and difficult situation in life. Self belief-confidence, is the result of a healthy upbringing, while you have gone through, all the rough and tough of life, while growing up.
Imagine two wealthy families living nearby. One has inherited wealth, other created it by its own efforts. Which of the two will be leading more satisfied and fulfilling life? Only occupation first family is likely to have is investing and counting their money in bank fixed deposits, mutual funds, shares or may be property, from which they may have plenty of rental and interest income. They have no worthwhile job, business or profession, but have plenty of money.
My experience dealing with such people, is that they shall be very miser and stingy about money. Most pleasures and physical comforts, which one can buy with money, will elude them because, being stingy, they shall find it difficult to spend the money. In inheriting the fortune, they have also inherited the biggest curse in life, which is unlimited leisure. Since most of the time, they would have nothing to do, they shall be forced to be idle, which is much worse than forced labor. Children from such households will also be very stingy about money, will have no compunction fighting for money and worst of all, shall be devoid of any ambition and self belief-confidence. Self doubt will be their permanent companion. Often, such families are not able to have long lasting relationships. Money being their only companion, innate insecurity will be their permanent companion.
Now, let us look at the fortunes of other family. They know true value of the money, which is coming through their hard work and planning. Still, they shall not be stingy. They shall be more respected and trusted in whichever circle they move in, than the other family. Useful work or service they are rendering, would instill lots of self confidence in them and the children from such families, would definitely be more ambitious and enterprising, than the children from family, where money is inherited. We can be quite upbeat about the future of such families, but am afraid, not so for the other family with inherited wealth
Self belief-confidence and self esteem are inter-related. Both have to be reared from childhood. Hence contribution from parents and teachers during the formative years of the child, is very important and plays a crucial role in their lives. Right from the beginning, children must be imparted good holistic education, encouraged to get all round knowledge, live a healthy lifestyle with built-in, eating right and exercise regimen, should be given and guided in true values, ethics and morals, to be upright & have the courage to stand by their convictions, to be respectful and loving, look at life in general with hope and excitement. Parents of these children can take great pride in their siblings, when they grow up and can be assured of all round support from them during their old age.
A very interesting recent incidence comes to my mind. We were a group of families gone for an outing. We were sitting in the lawn, when I noticed a fourteen year old son of a casual friend of mine, wearing a front torn jean. Jokingly, I asked the child, ‘why was he wearing a torn jean? Can’t his father, who was sitting nearby, afford a good jean?’ Instead of son, father replied something like this, ‘Uncle, you don’t know. It is a fashion these days to wear such torn and faded jeans. This jean has cost me Rs 8000’. I felt sorry for my casual friend, who seem to have been living on others’ approval, rather than their own convictions.
When I see the ad of this old jean manufacturer with a huge caption,‘ We built America,’ with a sweating man working hard, proudly wearing only the jean manufactured by this company, my mind is filled with respect for the jean manufacturer. They take so much pride in people building a nation, wearing jeans manufactured by them, while my poor Indian friend, makes his son to wear faded and torn jeans because, in America, he thinks, it is fashionable to wear faded and torn jeans. Obviously, my poor casual friend wants his son to be counted in, by his rich friends in their group, by wearing such faded and torn jeans. I wonder, if my poor friend knows or ever realized, that culture of jeans came from America, where jeans were faded and torn, while those men were working hard, building a nation wearing those jeans. They never went about fading the jeans by rubbing or stone washing or buying a torn jean for equivalent of Rs.8000 or so.
Unfortunately, such families are in great abundance, who do things more for the sake, how others will look at them, not how they themselves see them and feel about them. These are the families, who would never count for anything themselves. They have no individuality. They wear torn & faded jeans, eat pizzas and burgers, while away their time in coffee shops, because they want to be seen there. These are real poor people I pity and need alms of self-confidence.
I remember having seen a movie on, ‘National Geographic’ or ‘Discovery’ channels long ago about ‘Coca cola’, which I would like to share with my readers. When Coke went international in thirties or forties, it did not change the taste of Coke as per the local tastes which varied world-wide. They retained their original taste all over the world and expected the people to change their tastes for Coke. No wonder, Coke is what it is today, because of the pride it took in being Coke and boost of confidence it must have been for Coke at that time. Coke is the most well known brand in the world today.
Why can’t we be only ‘WE’? Why must we ape, imitate or do as others do? Lack of self-belief-confidence, nothing else. Their parenting was wrong. Parents have to realize that habits are easiest formed during childhood. Good or bad, when habits get ingrained into a person, it is difficult to change. So the parents must see that children get into the habit of long term benefits not short term. Self-belief-confidence is instilled in a person as habit, by doing things ethically right, giving due respect to everyone, forming meaningful relationships when young, patience and perseverance, standing upright against difficulties and odds etc. And children from such households will definitely shine out as adults.
These days you see so many God men, Tantriks, Astrologers, Future tellers having a field day with their upper crust clients. Unfortunately, a number of them are behind bars, many are waiting to be there. They have specialized in the art of sweet oratory and making weak and fearful souls, more weak and fearful. But still, look at our otherwise mature and intelligent so called successful people, thronging the doors of these God men. All because such people lack self confidence, they feel insecure because of their guilt complexes and this insecurity makes them more weak and empty from inside. These God men play havoc with their already weak psyche, extracting, whatever self-belief-confidence these people have.
They are all weak, too fearful from inside. They have no faith in themselves or God and make these rogues as God men. How many of them are facing criminal charges. These God men make their royal living out of fear and weakness of their high end patrons. If these high and mighty have had right parenting, who had instilled self confidence in them, these people would have had more self respect and not follow these self-styled God men, like pied piper of Hamlin.
Henry Ford, the biggest car manufacturer till date, started his career as an apprentice mechanic. Did not have much of education to boast of. Came from a humble background. But had lots and lots of self- belief, confidence in his ability. He always used to say that beliefs, positive or negative, always stood out. If you believe, you are capable, you can accomplish but when the inner feeling is negative, lack of self confidence-belief, you cannot accomplish. Opposite of self-belief-confidence is Self-doubt which Shakespeare used to call as ‘traitors in our lives’. How true? Self doubts bleed us white. Two persons with same capabilities in every respect but one with self-confidence and belief that it can be done, other with doubt that it cannot be done, would accomplish in the same fashion. Henry Ford and Shakespeare lived few hundred years apart. But both wise men had the same lesson for us. ‘Positive or Negative, our Beliefs about ourselves, our capabilities, shape our destinies.
Life will always revolve around the opposites, hope and despair, negative and positive, day and night, hot and cold, light and darkness, joy and sorrow, excitement and boredom. Choice has been provided by nature to us. Choosing positives, adds to our self confidence and belief. While when we choose negatives, we might find the going easy temporarily, but it is only in the positives, we shall find respite, lasting peace and ultimate success. Self confidence is the result of intrinsic strength which exists within us, not outward pleasures and excitements which are temporary and fleeting. Self confidence is our hardened inner core which carries us ahead.
Just like self esteem, self belief-confidence is also built inside you when you face adversities with courage and win them over. You always chose the right path as per your convictions. You never bowed or wilted under pressure. From every situation, you came out winner through grit and determination. In fact, self confidence is a combination of many factors or emotions within you. Do good, so that you feel good, is one of them. Then accepting responsibilities. Simple, the one who accepts more and more responsibility, becomes more and more important and is trusted by all. At times, such a person becomes indispensable adding to his self confidence. Then, everyone cannot be trusted. Only a person with right skill or experience can be entrusted with responsibilities. So, one has to develop the right skills. Hence, self confidence is the combination of above factors along with the relationships you have developed.
Main source of self confidence is the accomplishment, success, the result. Concentration or focus is the key to success. A focused mind succeeds because it can solve problems better because it can think better, imagine better solutions. Problems also have a way of vanishing when they see a focused mind, a concentrated effort. Concentration has a way of channelizing our efforts and energies, attracting opportunities, insight and inspiration to solve the problem. That’s why meditation seems to do wonders for the both mental and physical health of individuals. Half an hour of meditation any time during the day, can work wonders towards the agility of the mind throughout the day. It keeps you fresh, bubbling with ideas and mind power. Meditation can be called a daily overhauling of mind and adds to your self confidence quotient immensely.
The person of self belief-confidence must also radiate these qualities. You must also look to be that person, fearless type, radiating confidence and power. Your outward bearing should also be such. You should look fresh and enthusiastic. Dress well and adequately. Not necessarily, expensively and stylishly. No, not required. Persons of substance never even notice, what other person is wearing. Dressing adequately is only for your own satisfaction and not to impress anyone. Walk faster than others and stand straight and taller. Look at the person directly, when you look at any one. Wear a confident smile and extend a warm handshake, gripping the hand fully.
On professional side, others should need and value your services, more than you need their money. Always give that confident look of a gentleman and a reasonable person. And if you are not sure of something, say a confident ‘I don’t know’ rather than ‘I am not too sure’. Change your tone as per the occasion. Talk with a clear and firm voice. Never under estimate your capabilities, never underrate yourself against others. If others are doing something well, so can you if you put in a sincere effort. Others have done it with practice, so can you.
Idea of writing a book which you are reading, just came to my mind about a year back when I was in hospital recuperating from a weak heart. I had never written a book, only small articles published here and there. But I wanted to and after a few initial hiccups, I am at it. I know and think, I can do it and am doing it. Attempting to write a book, has given me lots of self confidence and self belief. Well, I had never thought I shall be able to do it. Had I never attempted, I would never have been near it. This is how things take shape.
Always believe in your abilities and capabilities. Always keep your mind on thinking mode. Imagine what and how you can become the person, you have cherished in your mind. Keep thinking of the ways. Believe in truth, honesty, justice and fairness to others. Have faith in the quality of your hard work and superior service rendered. Generate faith in your faith. It is only through unflinching faith, you turn negatives to positives and change course of your destiny. Remember, faith is above logic, beyond doubt.
Essence of life is to be true to yourself, about love and friendship, generosity and kindness, being helpful and compassionate. Transform yourself into a possibility thinker. Be positive, act positive to have faith with possibility of any dream realized. Shun probability thinking which generates skeptical thinking and self doubt, always fearing the probability of failure. Let the memories of the past not hamper our wonderful future. Que sera sera – whatever will be, will be. Present is the wonderful gift God has bestowed upon you. Enjoy it and say a big THANK YOU to the benefactor. He is so kind. THANK Him for that too.
In army they say ‘ things are never as bad as they appear to be’. Things may appear little difficult from a distance, but you can override every difficulty, when you put your mind to it, face it squarely, overcome it. Every attempt on your part shall add significantly to your self-belief-confidence to do better and better in life. While riding on the ladder of success and glory, winning your way up in the battles of life, always remember: ‘Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man. But soon or later, the man who wins, is THE MAN WHO THINKS HE CAN’. And YOU CAN.
Maturity comes from experience, not by Age.
Experience of Age, outshines the valor of Youth.
Wise Learn only from their experience.
Wiser learn from others’.
CONSCIENCE is the inner voice that warns us that
Somebody may be watching.
Keep your Conscience clear.
For Sound sleep, no pillow is as soft as a clean conscience.
Confidence comes not from always being Right but for not fearing to be wrong.
Health is the Greatest Possession. Contentment, Greatest Treasure. Confidence, the Greatest Friend
The secret of Health for both Mind & Body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future & neither to anticipate the troubles.
But to live in the present, Wisely and