Yes, Together We Can
by (Capt) Ravi K Mahajan
18. PATIENCE – The Real Virtue
Base your Life on Three Guiding Principles. THREE Ps:
Punctuality, Patience & Peace.
When you reflect Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness and Compassion, others are glad to be associated with you.
Goutama Buddha once said ‘The greatest Prayer is Patience’. To remain calm and serene when some problem arises or situation not to your liking is created, is what we call, being Patient. And normally, you will be required to be patient, when things are heated. If at that time, you also flow with the flow, things may go out of hand to any extent and a very ordinary situation has the potential to become explosive. When you are calm and patient, you can face all the challenges without being provoked. Controlled behavior is another name for Patience. You must control your feelings, rather than they control you.
Impatient persons may think of patience as passive. But it is not. In fact, patience is a very powerful asset we have or we can develop by practice. When you are Patient, you can concentrate your energies better on how to meet and get over the challenges. Being patient, enables you to be in a better position to think clearly, without bias and without involving emotions. Only Patience enables you to use your mental capacity to meet the challenges to the fullest. With Patience, everyone performs better, because you have created a tranquil and serene climate for maximum efficiency and output. Patience and Perseverance will conquer everything for you. And remember always and every time, TOGETHER EVERYONE ACHIEVES MORE.
This world is full of provocations. Any provocation, big or small, leaves you with two options, react with anger and irritation or with patience, calm and dignity. Both the situations are infectious. If you react with anger and irritation, other party also reciprocates in the same manner and the situation may go out of hand in no time. While, when your reaction is calm and patient, other party, though initially may react with anger, but would definitely calm down seeing you calm and serene. Impatience generates hatred and anger in the other person you are dealing with, while patience will definitely generate goodwill and well being.
Patience is an acquired virtue. You only have to train your mind to acquire this most precious lifeline. It’s just the control of your natural emotions, when adversity arises or when a situation not to your liking arises. It’s not the type of problems or adversities you are required to face, but it is your reaction to them, is what counts most. And your reaction to situations not to your liking, must be measured, calm and composed, so that others do not become your adversary, but are cooperative to make it easy for you to overcome the challenge.
Learning process never stops in life. And Patience is one learning process easiest learnt during childhood. Though, Patience appears to be a lost virtue these days of fast life wanting instant gratification, quick results, easy money and ready-made solutions, those who do not learn to be patient from childhood, live an unsatisfied, unfulfilling and unrewarding life. They, hardly ever are at peace with themselves and others. Such people are generally critical of others and seldom make reliable, dependable and trustworthy human beings with lasting relationships. If one has learnt to be patient early, not only his own life but lives of all those around him, is bliss and tranquil. ‘Patience’ is a Great Word, implying Maturity, Urbanity and Robust Mental Health.
Patience may be bitter for an impatient person, but its fruit is always, without exception, sweet. Be Patient and see how it works, bringing Happiness, Delight, Satisfaction and Joy in your own life, in the lives of your family members, friends and staff in your office or anywhere you are. After having been Patient, you will almost never feel sorry in your life. A toddler, when hungry, cries his heart out for milk. It has no patience. The moment it gets it’s feed, it is quiet and satisfied. But slowly, as it grows up, the child learns to be patient with his mother, who provides him food and care. This also means, that for humans, it is more easy and natural to be impatient. Hence, the need to develop and inculcate the habit of being patient, is all the more necessary in one’s life.
Patience is something which must be strictly taught to the children from early childhood, so that they can live a better and fully satisfied life. Because when a child grows into an adult, patience is the stepping stone for building meaningful relationships in life. Unfortunately, we naturally tend to be impatient and irritable, when things do not go as per our wish or desire. Mostly it is seen that being impatient and irritable, makes the matters worse and more difficult to handle. Being impatient is like flowing with the flow but for being patient, you have to enforce self discipline and character, which helps you a long way in maintaining meaningful relationships.
Normally, it is seen that women are much more patient compared to men. While, women react maturely and with greater dignity in any unwanted situation, which has unexpectedly arisen, but in the same circumstances, men tend to be more impatient and irritable. This may be due to naturally inbuilt motherhood quality in women for raising children, a job entrusted by nature to women, which requires utmost patience. Hence, it becomes imperative that a mother teaches and enforces patience in her children also, both male and female. I may also mention here that male children need more strict enforcement of patience discipline, than female children, who are naturally more prone to be patient, because of motherhood quality endowed by the nature.
In marriage, patience works like a soothing healing potion. Even if one partner is patient with the other, marriage may work well. But true Bliss prevails in those households, where both partners, by habit, are patient with each other. Needless to say, family courts are full of those couples seeking divorce wherein, at least one partner would have been impatient or irritable with the other, causing relationship to strain and ultimately nearing breaking point. Needless to add that children brought up in households, wherein both parents are patient, are much more accommodating and in turn, are able to form meaningful and rewarding relationships in their lives.
Impatience, if left unchecked from early childhood, creates difficulties for the child when he becomes adult, in almost every sphere. An adult who has not learnt to be patient, often becomes an object of ridicule and despise. Such a person cannot evolve or build good and meaningful relationships with anyone. Impatient persons are, often, known to be selfish and untrustworthy. They are not team players and other team members find it difficult to pull along with them. They can destroy any team or organization. On the contrary, a patient person is, invariably universally liked, and is calm and cool in adverse conditions. Everyone likes to have them in their team and in spite of their other drawbacks, they are great team players. They are embodiment of general wellness and well-being. Such persons enthuse confidence, happiness and are like magnets in attracting other people, building meaningful relationships and getting lifelong results.
More demanding the situation, more patient one needs to be. It is during such hours of trial, when things are going bad and extreme adversity confronts, you may feel totally hopeless with the situation, which you are required to manage, you need to be most patient, not only with your team or family but with yourself too. True leadership qualities are on display then. You are not only responsible for yourself, but also for your family, for others under you or other member of your team. Show of impatience or of impatient irritable remarks, during those adverse conditions, can inflict permanent damage to you and your team. People may start leaving you, when you need them most.
Life is a learning process and one lesson which one must learn early is that life gives back to us what we give to it. Right from the early childhood, one must learn to reflect respect, gentleness, joy, peace, love and patience. When these qualities are reflected, others know that they can trust you. They automatically get the message that they shall be treated the same way. And who does not like to be treated with kindness and respect? Everyone wants to be well known, have lots of friends and influence people. This is achieved easily when you reflect patience, peace, kindness, compassion and love. People automatically get attracted to you then.
True measure of a person’s real capability, can be exhibited with boundless patience. When in those adverse conditions, one should always remember a few appropriate old sayings like ‘This to shall pass.’ ‘Nothing lasts forever; Not even our Troubles.’ ‘Problems are normal and an essential part of life. Deal with them Patiently.’ Being impatient in hours of trials or in difficult times, can often lead to devastating results, such as depression, hopelessness, frustration and misplaced fears etc. Always remember this small proverb ‘All good things in life are the gift of God and take time, to happen’.
In a Pride (a group of lions family), lion does not, usually, hunt. It is only the lioness, which hunts on behalf of the entire pride and whichever animal is hunted, is shared between all members of the pride. Thus, responsibility for providing food to the family, is that of the lioness, not of the lion. Have you ever seen a lioness hunting? It needs unparalleled patience to reach as nearest as possible undetected to its prey, so that when the hunting lioness is spotted by the prey, or when she is in the open and sprints after the prey to catch it, the prey does not have much of a chance. Often, a lioness, in spite of its own hunger, would have to wait patiently for hours to get nearest to the prey undetected. A single impatient movement by lioness, may give away its position to alarm the prey, which, then, would run away. Another interesting feature here is that lioness being carnivorous, cannot maintain the top speed for more than few seconds during which time, it must catch its prey, since the prey mostly being herbivores, can run long distances beyond the reach of the hunting lioness. But for the patience, which comes naturally to the lioness during hunting, whole pride would go hungry and die.
During the present life scenarios, we have to be on road for longer durations driving four wheelers or two wheelers. One needs to be patient, all the more on road and should not initiate or become a victim of the road rage. These days, driving long distances for work or for attending functions or duties and responsibilities, first principle should be to start well in time, so that while driving, you are under no tension of being late. If you have started early, you will always be relaxed and more tolerant while driving. You can always see some drivers cursing, fuming and fretting on small perceived mistakes of other drivers. Drivers jumping signals, getting caught by Traffic Police or endangering others’ life as well as their own, is a common site.
So, when on road, be calm and cool and in case of delay, do not be impatient to reach your destination in time by rash driving. Let smile be your best friend and companion on road. When you smile, others would have to smile back at you and also, you are making the whole atmosphere on road more relaxed. Always stop at Zebra Crossings to let the Pedestrians cross first. This small gesture and consideration on your part, will inadvertently make you more relaxed and happy on the road for your own benefit and pleasure. In case other driver is impatient and you are patient, please be rest assured that you will always have an upper hand. Being patient on road, shows your good upbringing and cultured living. This feeling in itself, would look yourself up in your own eyes, leaving you with the inherent feeling that you are contributing a great deal towards the wellness of other people like you, who have to be on the road for long duration. Patience requires putting the other person before self and it is those with these qualities, attain high spiritual rank with even God. Try this when you are on road next, and see how stress-free and blissful your drive is. You will yourself be amazed at the feeling within.
A saying is written in the beginning of this book ‘Change what you can, Accept what you cannot’. Apply it here and then think over of every conceivable situation or challenge, where you can apply this mantra and bring in blissful change by attitudinal change. Most of us have to drive long distances regularly and cannot change anything about the roads, traffic jams, nature of other drivers, road rage, condition of the roads or distance we have to traverse. Accept them as they are but change what we can, that is ourselves or our attitude. Think over, what we can do to make our driving time more pleasant and stress-tension-free under the circumstances.
First thing is to start early, which itself will be lifting lots of pressure. We will be psychologically stress-free to start with. While driving, chant a bhajan or mantra or simply pray. Think of all the good things around specially f there are trees or plants around, your family, little ones, your spouse, friends. Do breathing exercise or Kapal bhati turn by turn, which will make you more relaxed. Just think over and you will be able to convert your driving time in traffic jams, a total bliss. You can even meditate concentrating on the deep breathing. Try mind control by stopping to think or think of positives, pleasant things to uplift your mood and inner self. You will reach your home or office stress-free in good mood. Question is very simple. Accept the things and people as they are, when you cannot change and make the best of every situation. It’s only an attitudinal change, which can do wonders and convert your travelling time to pure bliss from torture which it was earlier.
Basic thing in life is that life is both external and internal. About external life, we can’t do much but internal is in our hands. That we can mould the way we want. So do that and be happy. Never let yourself be dictated by the circumstances. Tower over the circumstances and see the difference. Never let negativity take you over, whatever you are doing or where ever you are. Always expect the best, the positive and you will have that. Negativity and adversities are attracted by negative person and a weak mind. Do not give them that opportunity. Always be patient and see the things change for better, just by being patient in the circumstances you cannot change.
A little Patience and Discipline eases the whole atmosphere, where ever a queue is there. If there are many queues for the same work, you will mostly have this inherent feeling that other queues are moving faster than yours. But leaving some exceptions, it is not so. Never try and take an unfair advantage while in queue. If you break the queue, you would also be prompting others to do the same and total chaos would prevail. If someone is trying to break or jump the queue, be patient with him also, and tell him politely, to be in queue because when you are calm and patient, the other person will also normally, reciprocate in the same manner and would not dare to break the queue and would definitely feel shameful of his efforts to jump the queue at others’ cost. This small act of being patient and courteous, will also look you up in others’ eyes and also add to your own feel good factor.
If you are a parent, it is natural that you want your children to succeed and do well in life. Much before they start going to school, their training in learning various life’s skills, start at home. You, as parent, are the first Trainer, Coach, Guide or Teacher for your child. In school, he may learn academics, but at home, he learns and imbibes, all good qualities essential for a tranquil and peaceful living. What your child learns in school, may or may not help him in life but, surely, what you teach him at home, would definitely help him and make him a better, caring and responsible child or citizen. What he learns in school, may only help him to make a decent living or make money when he is adult, but what qualities you instill in him at home, would help you also when you are old because as a child, you taught him to be caring, patient and responsible.
So, be a Good Coach and Teacher to your child. When your child attains adult-hood, if he is a failure, not been able to develop or evolve meaningful, satisfying and long lasting relationships, in all probabilities, you have failed in your duty towards your child. If, at home, a child observes his parents being impatient, irritable and untruthful towards each other or others, he will definitely grow up with those traits and his chances of success are much less than failure. Parents should not think that the child is not observing.
A child is observant even in mother’s womb. Mother’s moods, highs and lows, during pregnancy, always affect the fetus. So, whether you are a father or mother, inculcate the habit of Patience and tolerance in yourself and let your child learn and imbibe from you, this most important quality from you. A child, when adult, would always thank you for that. Do not ever think that your child does not observe your impatience or irritation towards others. He observes it and imbibes it without knowing. All the material gifts which you give to your child, are nothing compared to one gift which would always go a long way in his life. GIFT OF BEING PATIENT WITH OTHERS.
Very often, Patience saves us lots of repentance and resultant frustration, because of our impatient actions. You may be holding a good stock which, presently, is not performing as per your expectations. After waiting for some time, but not long enough, you sell the stock. But after you sell the stock in a hurry, stock prices start going up. You only wished, you had been more patient. In life, there are so many such examples, when, out of sheer impatience, we take action only to repent later and wished, you only had waited for some more time or would have been little more patient.
I am an avid cricket watcher, specially the ODIs (One day Internationals or limited over matches). Most of the time, these matches are extremely interesting with nail biting finishes. Sometimes, these matches go on late in the night to disturb your sleep. Like you, I am also Team India supporter. At times, our team is in a bad position and match, in my impatient opinion, is almost lost. So I switch off the TV and go off to a restful sleep, feeling bad at the team’s performance. Many times it has happened that, Team India turns the table and match finishes on a nail biting finish with a win for Team India. I feel so bad in the morning and wished, I had been little more patient. Opportunity knocks only once and mostly softly. So do not miss it. Be patient and make the best of any opportunity.
Corruption in our country? It has penetrated every nerve and fiber, system, person, small or big of our society. Everyone seems to be fed up and want it to go away. But, we simply cannot wish it away. We have to be practical and patient, think over the ways, how it can be curtailed and brought into manageable levels wherein country, as a whole does not have to feel ashamed of its citizens indulging in sort of corruption, we have witnessed in last one year. We have had Gandhi Ji, Jai Prakash Narayan’s movement and now, Anna Hazare. I wish Anna Hazare well, but see a limited chance of success even with Lokpal Bill enacted. We are trying to treat cancer, which has spread to every part of our body with a single or a course of tablets. It simply is not possible. Only thing which will work on a permanent basis, is complete transformation of our systems, our society, from the childhood, from the start, which will take a long time, even with best of intentions. We have to be extremely patient for that. Readers may go through the lesson of ‘Greed Leads-Corruption Follows,’ to know my views and possible ways, we can minimize corruption from our country. That will require unmatchable patience, to deal with corruption in our country.
‘Waiting’ is an integral part of being or remaining patient. No need for me to go into various day to day situations, wherein you are asked to wait, sometimes endlessly. How we ‘wait’, depends upon us. We may or may not like it, are patient of impatient, finding fault with the system or people for taking inordinately long time or innumerable other things and situations. People, their efficiency or situation, does not change whether we are impatient, bitter, fuming or fretting, angry, shouting or blaming others. But by indulging in such kind of impatient acts, we make ourselves an object of ridicule, despise and others’ anger, violence and hot-headedness. Above behavior amongst people is most common and is often seen. So elevate yourself, be a cut above others by being patient, tolerant which is tantamount to being graceful and dignified like any highly respected person or leader. Always wait with patience and prayer on your lips, thinking this too shall pass. Try to pacify others by remaining calm and serene in adverse situations. Do not ever lose your temper, specially, when you are with family under the watchful eye of your children. Indirectly, you are imparting one of the most important lessons in their lives, how must they conduct themselves when under pressure.
Lesson on Patience will be incomplete if, name of one of the greatest person born on this planet, does not appear here. Reference is to Mahatma Gandhi, father of our nation. When he returned from South Africa after having been insulted in a Railway Compartment, because of the colour of his skin, he set, before him, a goal which would have seemed impossible to achieve in 1920s. His immediate temptation might have been to throw out the British from Indian Soil by force. But poor man had no force with him. The enemy, British Empire, was mightiest power on earth at that time. So non-violence came to his mind. But no one on earth had done that earlier. Imagine, leading a whole nation against the mightiest power on earth, with non-violence with no end in sight, required highest order of patience in himself and faith in an entire nation. We are independent because of the vision and faith in patience exhibited and pursued by the great man. But for his indomitable courage and patience, we might still have been the slave of the British. And why only we? Half of the world got its independence with non-violent means, because one great man had the foresight and patience to pursue his worthy goal and in turn, gave the lifelong gift of freedom to the entire world. We have to be THANKFULL TO HIM and God for providing him the Vision, Foresight, Determination and Indomitable Patience.
PATIENCE in Relationship is Love
PATIENCE with God is Faith.
IF YOU ARE PATIENT, YOU WILL ALMOST NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR HAVING BEEN PATIENT.
PATIENCE: SOFTLY QUIETLY THE SEED WE PLANT TODAY, GROW INTO THE JOYS THAT BLOSSOM TOMORROW.
PATIENCE IS COURAGE. IT MAY BE BITTER BUT
ITS FRUIT IS ALWAYS SWEET.
PRAY THAT YOU MAY ALWAYS BE PATIENT
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS…
Count your Blessings not Problems.
Count your Gains not losses.
Count your joys, not woes.
Count your friends not foes.
Count your smiles, not tears.
Count your courage, not fears.
Count your Health, not wealth.
First count on Yourself, then God.
Patience is neither a state of passivity nor