Yes, Together We Can
by (Capt) Ravi K Mahajan


13. HAPPINESS - Purpose of Life.

 

Life is Simple. Happiness is Simpler.

If a Problem can be Solved, why be Unhappy.

If the Problem cannot be Solved,

what’s the use of being Unhappy.

 

The greatest need in life is to live in Happiness, with Happiness and experience Happiness 24x7. A great man once said, ‘Happiness ( Anand ), is in essence, my True Nature. To be always Happy, is my birth right and make others Happy, is my prime Responsibility’.

 

Happiness is a ‘deep sense of inner peace’ that comes when you make a difference for good in the world. More than wealth and splendor, it is the tranquility, serenity with that cool inner feeling of satisfaction, of having done your best for the welfare of others in whatever manner you could, without expectation of returns.

 

All our family members, relatives, friends and associates, play a very important role in our Happiness. While dealing with them, adopt the policy of 3As which are ;

 

  1. ACCEPT: Change what you can. Accept what you cannot. I learnt these golden divine words while I was in army, some forty five years ago. In umpteen number of times since then, I have lived with these divine words and found them 100% correct, soothing to the self and most practical thing to do and remember. Most people we cannot change. So accept them as they are. Everyone in this world is unique, created and crafted by the same God with great care and finesse including you. When you accept yourself as you are, accept others also as they are because they shall always be that way, not as you want them to be.  If you like yourself, start liking others too. Same way, Some situations can be changed, others cannot be changed. So accept them too also, as it is.

 

If you accept the people and situations unconditionally as described above, you will be happy. If you do not, you will not be happy. Most of our unhappiness in life results when we do not heed this most practical and sane advise. 

  1. ADJUST: When everyone is unique and distinct, differences are bound to be there. It is like a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece has unique shape, but has to adjust with others to make a perfect picture, differences withstanding

 

  1. APPRECIATE: When you have already accepted others as they are and adjusted yourself according to others, now start appreciating the work of God, everyone, You and Others included.

                                                          

Once, you have achieved the above, add little more effort while dealing with others. Minimize EXPECTATIONS & COMPARISONS from & with others. Key to Happiness is to accept others as they are but do not expect anything. When we have high expectations from others, specially from our near and dear ones, we invariably end up getting hurt. Similarly, making comparisons with others, also generate negative emotions such as discontentment, jealousy, envy and unhealthy one-up-man-ship, which all add to your unhappiness.

 

Cultivate a generous disposition – FORGIVE, FORGET & MOVE ON. Life will never stagnate for you. For undiluted Happiness, it is imperative to live in the Present, though our mind is made such that it is either thinking of the past or future, almost never in the present. Past is in the grave, never to return or reappear. But always analyze and learn from the mistakes of the past, and since, future is unknown, you must live in the Present. 

 

However, if you continuously have that gut wrenching feeling of dissatisfaction within you or do not feel on top of the world in spite of all your worldly possessions or that feeling of depression and disenchantment persists or your previous efforts having repeatedly failed or generally do not feel up to it, you need to pursue Happy Therapy of this lesson with all the Zest and Zeal.

 

Supposing you have lost your bunch of keys or something else within your house. Where you have to search for them? Where will you find them? Simple, in your house only. You cannot find them outside.  Finding Happiness is also the same. Your Happiness is lying within you only and you have to look for it there only, not anywhere else. True Happiness, which is actually the aim of all in life, is lying within us. We have to explore it within us. Happiness cannot be had from materialistic possessions or wealth or ‘what can I get’ attitude. Of course, wealth is essential for a comfortable living. But true happiness results, when we give or add value to others or help others, when we are compassionate, kind and unselfish. Remember one thing always. Proportion of our selfishness in life, is directly related to unhappiness. Accept others for what they are, not what they can do for you or what you can get out of them.

 

Happiness, unhappiness and normal human behavior, must be properly understood before we start the pursuit of happiness, which is our goal. Happiness should not be confused with physical pleasure and material possessions for show off, which are all objects of temporary and fleeting amusement, recreation or external gratification, while true happiness and joy is an inner permanent feeling of contentment and tranquility. Pleasures normally leave that well known feeling of guilt and emptiness, while happiness is that serene feeling bringing peace, fulfillment and satisfaction inside. All pleasures are fleeting moments and would pass off. When you grasp and understand the transient nature of this world, you will experience happiness and peace will restore in your life.

 

Howsoever stern they may be, we must face the facts of life head on. All said and done, it is much easy to be unhappy than to be happy. Because, for being happy, you have to have everything fine, while for unhappiness, one thing not going our way out of ten, would make us unhappy. Things over which we have no control, going wrong, a curt or rude remark by someone, not being given proper respect, even bad weather, while we expected good weather, someone coming late for meeting or appointment etc. can make us unhappy. So, we have to accept all these things and let them not stand in the way of our joy and happiness.

 

Start reading this lesson again slowly with unflinching determination to achieve your aim of living a Happy, Contented, Satisfied and Vibrant Life. Be determined that from today, you shall apply those principals of 3As on you. NO EXPECTATIONS from others, NO COMPARISONS, lighten yourself with FORGIVE, FORGET & MOVE ON, Policy. Learn from past mistakes and be carefree about future after you have done your best. Live in the present, like a KING. KING of Your own Self.

 

Since no one except true saints, do anything in this world without rewards, I would get mine, if this lesson motivates you to adopt it on yourself and influence others to do so. My reward is Your Happiness, which would, automatically, bring immense happiness and joy to me. In turn, when you spread this happiness concept, it would bring you happiness, joy, satisfaction and that feeling of fulfillment.

 

Following Twelve ways to Happiness are the gist, the concentrate.  I am absolutely certain that your life would be changed for the better and not only you shall reap Great Benefits of Happiness from the  following Twelve ways, but your family, friends and staff would find you a totally different, changed and rejuvenated person,  a New You Will be born.  Do it, adopt & apply these principals on you and you would see the results, as Gandhi Ji used to say : ‘Be the Change, You Want Others to Be’. Change yourself to motivate others to change with you.

 

TWELVE WAYS TO HAPPINESS:Your Goal.

 

  1. Be Grateful to people who make you HAPPY. They are the charming Gods, who make your souls blossom. Make a habit of Gratitude and Thanksgiving even for small, small things. Show gratitude to your friends, relatives and children for bringing happier moments. Seeing others happy, specially Children, can make you very happy. Have lots of friends, family members and Children around whenever you can, which adds to your self-assurance and confidence level, in addition to Happiness.  When upset, think of something you are grateful for. Adopt an attitude of Gratitude. It is impossible to feel bad about a situation, when you are feeling Grateful.

 

  1. Be Thankful to God for all his bounties and mercies. Just before shutting your eyes every night, spare few minutes for yourself, analyzing day’s events.  Count your present blessings and good fortune, which all of us have in plenty, rather than past misfortunes, which all of us have some. Always look at what you have.  Not at what you have lost or do not have.  Pray regularly and have explicit faith in God. Prayer and faith are the architects of Happiness in our lives. Pray and connect with God before sleeping, may be only for a few minutes, Thanking Him for His kindness and Mercy. Pray as you get up, first thing in the morning. Just plain and simple, Pray, remembering Him. Do not ask for anything. He knows.

 

  1. Limit your desires.  Wanting more and more but not having the means, can make anyone very unhappy and leads to a feeling of inferiority complex.  In life, there is no end to wants and desires. Fulfillment of one desire leads to another. You have to stop somewhere. After your basic needs have been met, Money or Things it can buy, do not contribute to your Happiness. But whatever you may say about Money, it is plays very important role in life. Excess of money may not add to your happiness, but lack of it would definitely make you unhappy. Yes, most important fact of life is that we are all humans, having the same feelings, sentiments etc. Money can buy us basic comforts which we see everyone is using. We also have to have those comforts for a tranquil peaceful existence. But, indulging in excessive unbound desires, would land us in trouble sooner or later.

 

  1. Being Helpful: Each time you are kind or help someone, you will feel your happiness level going up considerably. The Best Portions of a Good man’s life are his little nameless, unsung acts of kindness and love. Being generous, kind and capable of giving, will positively make you happy and add to your feel good factor. Shift Stress on ‘to Give’ in life. Society has given you so much.  Give something back and see the difference in yourselves. Through such acts of service without expecting rewards, Happiness results. Happiness, which we can find being Sincere, being Honest, a kind of Satisfaction which results in life only after having done something for society’s not so lucky. Do not look the other way, when you see the miseries around you. They are also the part of our society. Respond to your conscience.  Try to do whatever little you can and feel the difference and enjoy your happiness level, after you have done your bit.

 

  1. Forgive & Forget: Forgive and see how great you feel. Do not carry the weight of other’s grudges in your life.  Drop them and see how light you feel.  Forgiveness is about loving oneself enough to be Honest, Open minded and rearing to go ahead in life. Forgiveness adds to life’s Positive Attitude and give you lot of Peace of Mind and tranquility resulting in perpetual Happiness.

 

  1. Good Health: Irrespective of how much money you make and all those goodies you can buy with it, unless you enjoy good health, all that comes to naught. One hour of morning walk and exercise, is the blessing for the whole day and takes care of other 23 hours. Eat moderate light meals. Avoid tempting but unhealthy and harmful Junk Foods.  Laugh, at every opportunity and smile at others to see others smiling back at you.  Keep repeating in your mind the events, people and small things which made you particularly happy. Do Pranayam, which is nothing but Deep Breathing. Breathe deeply at every opportunity, while sitting in office or at home or even while driving. Deep inhaling and exhaling of air, lets more oxygen of the air absorbed by the blood in lungs. This simple act, done many times a day, makes our blood healthier and oxygen rich and adds to your self-confidence, well-being and feel good factor apart from maintaining your Blood Pressure.

 

  1. Avoid Social competition or one-upmanship which is the major cause of unhappiness and acrimony in most of us.  Do not react when others’ show-off.  Simply ignore such overtures. Ostentatious living, always in competition with others, does not make sense as a lifestyle, not to your Taste, Maturity or Tranquility. Always be co-operative and you will see others co-operating with you, happily.

 

  1. Learn to cope up with stress. Uncertainties and Problems of daily lives are normal but essential part of everyone’s life. We always tend to think that bad things happen to us only.  NO. Everyone has his own problems.  Do not crib about things.  No one likes to be in the company of those who are always cribbing and complaining. Sincerity and honesty plays important role in achieving the goal of happiness in life. Be transparent, as far as possible. What you are inside, should be outside. You can’t be both Phony and Happy.

 

  1. Be appreciative of Things and People. Express your Sincere Appreciation whenever you can.  Always be on the lookout for good. Be good and good will happen to you. Unfortunately, we pounce on a chance to criticize others or express our unhappiness over some even small matter. But when we are happy and find something to be appreciative, we ignore it. Please note carefully that when we express our happiness and are appreciative, we inadvertently attract both these virtues. When you are looking out for good, you will always find it. Never hesitate to express good thoughts and appreciation. It will make you feel Happy and others too in your company. Often, it is observed, people are very vociferous and critical about things, when they don’t like something. But are not expressive when they like something or find something to be appreciative about. Be liberal in your sincere appreciation and do not miss any such opportunity. Everyone needs appreciation which results in motivation.  If you can provide it to them, you will, in turn, add to your own happiness and sense of well-being.

       

  1. Avoid Self-Pity, which is single biggest cause for depression and resultant unhappiness.  Always keep your Self-esteem and Self-worth high in your own mind.  Set your own Standards and do not ape others. Avoid being petty.  Do not let your happiness be Captive to others’ Actions or Outbursts.  Take pride in yourself and your heritage. Make it a habit to look at brighter side of things.  Do not play the blame game. It never pays.

 

11.  Work is worship. Enjoy your work. Ultimately, it is after an honest days work, you will feel happy, satisfied and elated. Take pride in whatever you do. Derive happiness from the effort not from the result. Effort takes long time but result is only momentary or fleeting. If you have put in your best in effort, result is also likely to be good. Change the mindset from result to effort, which will give you enduring happiness and satisfaction.

 

12.  Have something to look forward to.  Anticipation of some good time would always make you happy. Those who look at life with anticipation, see possibilities for Happiness in everything.

 

Always focus on the present. Most of us, tend to regret the past and dread the future. Be Bold. Shun that gut wrenching feeling of guilt complex which is a road block to your Progress, contentment, sense of happiness and general feeling of well being. Get over that feeling of guilt over past things or happenings, over which you have or had absolutely no control. After having done your Best, leave things in God’s will for results which have never been and would never be in your hands. So, always concentrate on your Karma, for which nature has made you for. Many times, it would happen that even after your best efforts, results are not as you expected. Make a better and more intelligent effort next time. All great men in history have been consistent with their efforts, not with result. In many cases, results were mostly good, because they were backed by intelligent repeated tries and sincere efforts.

 

Once again, I must stress that Happiness can be maximized by minimizing Expectations and Comparisons in life. When we have high expectations from our near and dear ones and they are not met, we feel terribly upset, let down and hurt. And very prevalent present day decease of comparisons, generate in us, negative emotions like envy, jealousy, discontentment, anger and hatred. Expectations make us a beggar, greedy, getter and full of inferiority complex generating grudge, resentment and acrimony within us, making our own life miserable, rancor & turmoil-filled. Choice is in our hands, whether we want to elevate ourselves or keep living a miserable existence because of wrong negative choice. Best thing in life is to keep trying for more but be happily contented with what you are rewarded. Accept the world as it is, rather than cribbing over its imperfections.

 

True happiness clashes with another common but important human factor, that is Ego and Arrogance. More egoistic a person, lesser happy he is likely to be. Ego makes you selfish, cut above others and always stressful trying to look down others. More egoless one is, happier is he likely to be. Ego and happiness can’t coexist. Happiness is natural. Ego is false, pretentious and unbecoming.

 

Always think of collective good, the team, not selfishly only for you or your immediate family. When you think only of yourself or your immediate family, you demean yourself, your vision gets narrower, heart smaller and mind meaner. Refrain from elevating yourself alone, but elevate your team, you will be elevated automatically. Become a person of sharing-giving-helping. When you share your happiness with others, others will also be there to share your sorrow. Selfish act means, you are alone but much more and better can be achieved when you are together and togetherness is bliss and happiness. When shared, happiness multiplies but sorrow divides.

 

Idea is to offer Positive, step by step guidelines for faithful living, suggesting you to change your attitude towards disappointments, keep focus on your goals and unlock the tremendous healing power of Positive Attitude, ushering an era of total and complete happiness in life. Happiness is actually a state of mind. And Human Mind is an Ocean. Always full of Thoughts. It is up to you to fill this ocean with undrinkable Salt Water (Negative Thoughts) or Life giving Sweet Water (Happy Positive Thoughts).

 

Happiness is ‘Begani Shaadi Men Abdulla Deewana’, which implies ‘You have to couple your happiness with others. You have to share your happiness with others and when others are happy, you have to enjoy others’ happiness for your happiness’. If you want to monopolize happiness and want to be happy only when it concerns you, then your happiness will always be elusive, short-lived or not there at all. Supposing you have two meals, one elaborate one of your choicest dishes and another simple one of just so so dishes. Have first one all alone and the second one with a group of dear friends or family members. Which meal you have cherish more? First or the second? I am sure most of us will cherish the second one. Go to an exotic place all alone or with bad company, or to an ordinary nearby place with the company you like most. Most of us will be happier at the second place, not the first. More than the food or place, it is the company which is relished, where you share your happiness, your thoughts, you pleasures. That’s how we all are made. It’s only by sharing, our happiness multiplies.

 

Some people simply cannot see others happy. This is a negative mindset originating from feelings of jealousy, envy, inadequacy or other negative reasons. Unfortunately, it is not possible to hide such feelings. The way out is the change of mindset, which is quite easy to adopt by shunning out those negative feelings and fill your heart and mind with positive thoughts like cooperation, sportsman spirit, sharing-giving attitude, which will change the whole scenario. One is always blessed to share Happiness. Happiness is, in reality, is a perfume you can’t pour on others without getting a few drops on others. Happiness is to be spread to get best effect.

 

Bhagavad Gita says that we would find happiness in both profit and loss, if we concentrate on our karma, action. Because we must draw great satisfaction for having done our karma to the best of our ability. As an evolved person, our source of happiness should be the joy of action, which should bring us great satisfaction. If you have lost a match, accept defeat gracefully and rededicate yourself. Happiness is in the action, in the inspired work. Next time, if an elder blesses you for long life, as is our culture, respectfully ask him to bless you ‘to live hundred years working’, otherwise long life is miserable. When action brings satisfaction, prosperity and purifies your personality, losses and gains are insignificant but happiness consistent.   

 

All your material possessions and professional success is meaningless, if you are not Happy. And achieving happiness is not difficult at all, if it is a holistic approach, coupled with other lessons in this book. You have to do it for yourself, for your family, friends, for your professional success. Read the lessons of Emotional control, Patience, Expectations, Respect, again and again and apply each one of them. Discuss with your spouse, friends, colleagues, business circle, anyone, to get into the habit of happiness. Motivate others, elevate yourself and others, inspire everyone to get into a happy mode. Lots and lots of Happiness is there inside you. You only have to bring it out of you with a little effort initially which later gets converted into a habit, automatically.

 

Point 10 of ‘Twelve ways to Happiness’ above, needs little elaboration. ‘Do not let your Happiness be captive to others’ actions and outbursts’. Rightly so. People behave as per their nature, not as per your likes and dislikes. By nature, a tiger is ferocious, while a deer is timid. You have to like them for their ferocity and timidity alike. The answer lies in expanding your circle, outlook, meaningful relationships. Since your Happiness lies within you, explore it by being your own king. Love others for what they are not for what you can get from them. See yourself in all beings and all beings in you. That will be your permanent state of exalted happiness.

 

Happiness is not because of any particular circumstance. It is because of our positive thinking, helpful attitude, forming and nurturing meaningful relationships. It is when we take everything in it’s stride and feel the nearness of God Almighty. Happiness happens when we share, when we give, when we see the gratitude in the eyes of someone benefiting from our generosity. Happiness is, when we count our blessings and Thank Him for those, ignoring our woes. All of us have our own share of miseries, disappointments, frustrations and challenges. From childhood only, we must learn to be happy in spite of everything, and let our happiness not be captive of our moods, whims and fancies.

 

Based on my observations of last fifty years, I can be emphatic that extroverts are the happier lots. I call extroverts those who are outgoing types, reach out for others, have developed meaningful relationships during the journey of life or typically those who are not enclosed within themselves or their immediate families. It is those who consider themselves ordinary, do not consider themselves cut above others and are not egoist. Happiness should come naturally to us because it is nature’s law. Animals are happy, birds are always chirping or singing, even tress appear to be happy. Its when we move away from nature, unhappiness comes. Its when we live in concrete jungles, go to concrete jungles for holidays, we surround ourselves with worldly pleasures that our true happiness takes a beating.


You must understand and accept that, in life anything loses its charm, once you get used to it, be it a fabulous house, swanky car or your ultra modern life style. Same is true of Happiness, which loses its meaning, if you are Happy all the time. It’s like weather! In India, we like rainy and cloudy weather, because most of the times, it is sunny, while in England, when it is bright sunshine, they call it ‘good weather’. We have to write on white paper with blue or black ink to make it appear bright and distinguishable. We cannot write on white paper with white ink. For this world to run, we need both day as well as night. For a life well lived, Happiness and Sadness will always go together, hand in hand. Both are God’s gifts & life’s Blessings.   

 

Life is both simple and complex, Good and Bad, Hope and Despair, Success and Failure. All are integral part of life. Life is for living with Happiness, not wasting on unhappiness. Fill your mind with Positive Thoughts and make Happiness a Habit and Goal in life with above Twelve ways for yourself and for everyone else, whom you can influence. Happiness is a worthy goal, get it and cherish it.

 

In the end, a well tried RECIPE for PEACE & HAPPINESS;

 

Take two cups full of Patience. One Heart full of Love.

One Hand full of Generosity and Compassion.

Another Hand full of Understanding and Gratitude.

A dash of Smile & a Hearty Laugh.

 Sprinkle Generosity with Kindness.

 Add plenty of Faith and Trust.

Spread over a period of Lifetime & serve Hot to everyone.

 

Simply put, to be Happy, free your heart from hatred, mind from worries, live simply, Give more and expect less. 

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To Love and being Loved, is the greatest Happiness

of our   existence.

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Purpose of Life is to Seek Happiness.

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Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but our ability

to cope with it.

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Find Happiness along the way, not at the end of the road.

*

 In about the same degree, you are Helpful and Kind,

you will be HAPPY.

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The Rich are not always HAPPY. But HAPPY ones,

Generally, consider themselves Rich.

*

Some cause Happiness where ever they go;

Others, whenever they go.

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When you are Happy, you want to be with the person you Love most. But when you are Sad, you want to be with the person who Loves you most.

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The Happiest people don’t have the best of everything in life. They just make the best of everything they have.

The Richest person is not the one who has the most

but the one who needs the least.

Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly & leave the rest to God.


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